[ Hours turn into days, and still that — fear, pain, self-recrimination. Nights without sleep, even when Repede tries to nudge him into bed. He isn't eating. He's going to make himself sick.
(They're all worried, whenever he catches a glimpse of the rest of the party. Even Rita — even the old man.
It's enough to make him want to crack a joke, just to ease the tension. "Aw, I didn't know you cared." Or something like that.
But he's still inside Flynn and he can't make Flynn so much as smile.)
The days have started to blur together, but he knows he's past the point of hunger now; his stomach just hurts. But then, all of him hurts right now.
Why isn't it passing? Why isn't it... getting a little easier at least?
Estelle had told him Flynn hadn't given up, but in this moment he realizes he hadn't completely believed her.
You should've given up, he thinks distantly. You should've given up years ago. ]
[Flynn doesn't give up. Even when the others leave him alone, he shuts them out, takes Repede with him and goes searching by himself.
The pain centers in the middle of his chest, almost like a debilitating wound that he is slowly dying from.
It's a lot of pain, the rush of it constant, even as he starts to do other things.
But he still goes out, still looks for the other.
"Flynn--"
"There isn't a body..."
He's stubborn, he wants to hold onto that small piece of hope. It's Yuri, and he trusts and loves him so much that he sets his mind there. He has to hope, even through all the pain. Anything else in him is just pain or numbness now.]
[ It's so much. It's too much. How many days was he out for? How much more of this before someone (not him) (he was too much of a coward) sends Flynn a missive to let him know?
(he'd always thought) (not so very deep down, he'd thought) (if he could've just stayed dead) ]
[It's more of the same. The same pain, hope, despair and numbness that mingles and works together as he continues to do the bare minimum of his duties.
"It's not like you to be so unfocused..."
"I apologize..."
Again, he goes out searching. Then the night he doesn't that's probably the worst night. He allows himself to actually hold onto Repede and tears don't stop as he curls up. It's like he's five again and the tears won't stop. He hadn't cried up until that point, thankfully the others aren't around to see it.
No, he's mourning. Quietly mourning, and not sure when the mourning will stop.]
(The thought is more than a little hysterical, but Yuri can't help it.) (It feels like he's been trapped in this tiny castle room, feeling Flynn's pain, forever.)
He's pretty sure there was supposed to be some sort of failsafe. A button, maybe, that the scientists who should be monitoring their damned vitals are supposed to punch when the Flow between them breaks beyond repair.
He just needs to keep it together a little longer. Any second now, the machines will shut down and they'll be kicked out, even sent to the back of the line to restart the whole Rise process over again. This time, he can agree with Flynn that this whole thing fucking sucked and find something better to do with their time—
One one thousand. Two one thousand. Three one thousand. ]
[ ...but of course it isn't that simple. Time in here isn't passing in the same way, and all counting out the seconds does is make him more and more horrifically aware of how long he's spent hiding in a corner of Flynn's personal hell.
Distantly, Yuri thinks, he would take every sick, twisted thing Tokyo-F had ever done to him over one more minute of this. ]
[ He doesn't move physically, of course. His actual body must still be strapped into the machine, somewhere faraway from Flynn's stupidly tiny room in the castle.
But he moves nonetheless, crossing the room as fast as he can, every second of further delay only more painful, only to settle his hands very deliberately on the back of Flynn's chair.
(He should be apologizing already, not apologizing hurts too, but in this moment it's hard to breathe.) ]
[Flynn takes forever to look at him. His complexion is ashen, dark circles, and even his hair that normally fell into place, is mussed. He looks like the tiniest thing could push him over. It's like he's staring through Yuri instead of at him, a small frown on his lips, brow pinched in concentration.
Before him is a stack of work that hasn't even been touched.
He rubs at his eyes and turns around and stares back blankly at the paper.]
Ngh.
[He can't even do his work. A very unlike Flynn thing indeed. Exhaustion, numbness and depression all war to keep Flynn tethered right there, unable to do much more than stare at a stupid piece of paper and not recognize the words on it.]
I must really be going crazy. Now I'm seeing you even when I'm awake.
[He turns around to snap, belatedly realizing that he actually felt that. The pain immediately evaporates from around him. His eyes widen and he nearly knocks over his chair.]
Yuri?!
[He steps to the side grabbing Yuri's wrist, eyes wide as he tugs the other close.]
Yuri--
[His voice is pinched, tight, but the tension bleeds from him almost immediately his body sagging from relief. His head tips down pressing to the top of his shoulder.]
[ And just like that, he can actually breathe again. A low, short sound, almost like a laugh as he catches Flynn, anxiety around sharing this connection temporarily forgotten. ]
That's my name. Don't wear it out, I'll make you buy me a new one.
[Even with the other sounding like himself, being there in person, everything has been laid out on the table for Flynn. He slowly raises his head, his heart hammering in his upper chest and throat. He couldn't breathe, but he slowly reaches up and cups Yuri's cheeks in his trembling hands.]
Yuri...
[Without missing a beat, he leans in and kisses Yuri.]
For all that everything seems to be happening in slow motion, every inch of Flynn all but shouting what he's about to do, the actual kiss is still a surprise. ]
[ And through the Flow between them, Flynn will feel that surprise for a few seconds — seconds during which even Yuri isn't sure whether he starts to lean in or not. It would've been so easy. Natural. Even if they haven't kissed since he, newly twelve, had wondered aloud one time whether tongue-kissing was as gross as it sounded. ]
[ And then, abruptly, what was a trickle of uncertain warmth turns to ice. Surprise becoming suspicion (this can't actually be happening) and then disbelief (it must be a mistake), followed by feardreadpain.
Yuri jerks back almost violently, breaking the kiss, and in desperation he finds his physical body again, clawing at the helmet until he can get it off.
The scientists in the other room are trying to calm him down, but he can't, can't stand another second of this, and finally he hears the gentle hiss of the machine disengaging from the spinal cord of his suit and he's free, running from—
(the room) (Flynn) (himself)
—without a backwards glance.
(All of that, and the Flow between them still never completely broke.) ]
Flynn stumbled back, eyes wide as he reaches out towards Yuri.]
Yuri--
[The strength leaves Flynn's legs and he finds himself sitting. His chest is hammering, and he can't breathe again. No, he sits there for the longest time, even after the scientists are able to disengage him.
One of them helps him take off his helmet, and another pushes his head between his own knees telling him to 'breathe'.
How can he breathe when he just ruined everything?]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-05-31 03:01 am (UTC)(They're all worried, whenever he catches a glimpse of the rest of the party. Even Rita — even the old man.
It's enough to make him want to crack a joke, just to ease the tension. "Aw, I didn't know you cared." Or something like that.
But he's still inside Flynn and he can't make Flynn so much as smile.)
The days have started to blur together, but he knows he's past the point of hunger now; his stomach just hurts. But then, all of him hurts right now.
Why isn't it passing? Why isn't it... getting a little easier at least?
Estelle had told him Flynn hadn't given up, but in this moment he realizes he hadn't completely believed her.
You should've given up, he thinks distantly. You should've given up years ago. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-05-31 03:09 am (UTC)The pain centers in the middle of his chest, almost like a debilitating wound that he is slowly dying from.
It's a lot of pain, the rush of it constant, even as he starts to do other things.
But he still goes out, still looks for the other.
"Flynn--"
"There isn't a body..."
He's stubborn, he wants to hold onto that small piece of hope. It's Yuri, and he trusts and loves him so much that he sets his mind there. He has to hope, even through all the pain. Anything else in him is just pain or numbness now.]
no subject
Date: 2023-05-31 06:14 am (UTC)(he'd always thought) (not so very deep down, he'd thought)
(if he could've just stayed dead) ]
no subject
Date: 2023-05-31 11:52 am (UTC)"It's not like you to be so unfocused..."
"I apologize..."
Again, he goes out searching. Then the night he doesn't that's probably the worst night. He allows himself to actually hold onto Repede and tears don't stop as he curls up. It's like he's five again and the tears won't stop. He hadn't cried up until that point, thankfully the others aren't around to see it.
No, he's mourning. Quietly mourning, and not sure when the mourning will stop.]
1/2
Date: 2023-06-02 01:20 am (UTC)(The thought is more than a little hysterical, but Yuri can't help it.) (It feels like he's been trapped in this tiny castle room, feeling Flynn's pain, forever.)
He's pretty sure there was supposed to be some sort of failsafe. A button, maybe, that the scientists who should be monitoring their damned vitals are supposed to punch when the Flow between them breaks beyond repair.
He just needs to keep it together a little longer. Any second now, the machines will shut down and they'll be kicked out, even sent to the back of the line to restart the whole Rise process over again. This time, he can agree with Flynn that this whole thing fucking sucked and find something better to do with their time—
One one thousand. Two one thousand. Three one thousand. ]
2/3
Date: 2023-06-02 01:31 am (UTC)Distantly, Yuri thinks, he would take every sick, twisted thing Tokyo-F had ever done to him over one more minute of this. ]
3/4
Date: 2023-06-02 01:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-06-02 01:48 am (UTC)But he moves nonetheless, crossing the room as fast as he can, every second of further delay only more painful, only to settle his hands very deliberately on the back of Flynn's chair.
(He should be apologizing already, not apologizing hurts too, but in this moment it's hard to breathe.) ]
Hey.
[ Fuck him, honestly. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-02 01:54 am (UTC)Before him is a stack of work that hasn't even been touched.
He rubs at his eyes and turns around and stares back blankly at the paper.]
Ngh.
[He can't even do his work. A very unlike Flynn thing indeed. Exhaustion, numbness and depression all war to keep Flynn tethered right there, unable to do much more than stare at a stupid piece of paper and not recognize the words on it.]
I must really be going crazy. Now I'm seeing you even when I'm awake.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-02 02:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-06-02 02:19 am (UTC)[He turns around to snap, belatedly realizing that he actually felt that. The pain immediately evaporates from around him. His eyes widen and he nearly knocks over his chair.]
Yuri?!
[He steps to the side grabbing Yuri's wrist, eyes wide as he tugs the other close.]
Yuri--
[His voice is pinched, tight, but the tension bleeds from him almost immediately his body sagging from relief. His head tips down pressing to the top of his shoulder.]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-02 02:32 am (UTC)That's my name. Don't wear it out, I'll make you buy me a new one.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-02 02:38 am (UTC)Yuri...
[Without missing a beat, he leans in and kisses Yuri.]
1/?
Date: 2023-06-02 02:42 am (UTC)2/?
Date: 2023-06-02 02:50 am (UTC)3/?
Date: 2023-06-02 02:52 am (UTC)For all that everything seems to be happening in slow motion, every inch of Flynn all but shouting what he's about to do, the actual kiss is still a surprise. ]
4/?
Date: 2023-06-02 03:20 am (UTC)5/?
Date: 2023-06-02 03:24 am (UTC)But wasn't that just part of being friends with someone? Until Tokyo-F, he'd been so sure—) ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-02 03:35 am (UTC)Yuri jerks back almost violently, breaking the kiss, and in desperation he finds his physical body again, clawing at the helmet until he can get it off.
The scientists in the other room are trying to calm him down, but he can't, can't stand another second of this, and finally he hears the gentle hiss of the machine disengaging from the spinal cord of his suit and he's free, running from—
(the room) (Flynn) (himself)
—without a backwards glance.
(All of that, and the Flow between them still never completely broke.) ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-02 03:40 am (UTC)Flynn stumbled back, eyes wide as he reaches out towards Yuri.]
Yuri--
[The strength leaves Flynn's legs and he finds himself sitting. His chest is hammering, and he can't breathe again. No, he sits there for the longest time, even after the scientists are able to disengage him.
One of them helps him take off his helmet, and another pushes his head between his own knees telling him to 'breathe'.
How can he breathe when he just ruined everything?]